Dear Sue:

The tics and OCD symptoms are symptoms of the root cause: anxiety. I define anxiety as excessive, ongoing fear. When I was attacked by my mother (and you by your bullying sister) again and again, that created fear. There was no one to comfort me- and how can the person attacking me- comfort me? In your case, your mother did not comfort you. Instead she scared you further, saying you will be locked away. She blamed you for displaying the consequences of the injury done to you. It is like blaming a person who was stabbed for bleeding.

And so that anxiety, not comforted, over time, creates havoc in the body, here in the form of tics, and OCD rituals aimed at releasing that excess, ongoing anxiety.

I discovered over time that my empathy for my mother (I loved her a whole lot, was focused on her pain; all I wanted was for her to be happy) was in my way of healing. My mother deserves empathy and love, only not from me. Can you imagine, in nature, if a prey animal is attacked by a predator, and the prey decides to be loving to the predator, then the prey will be dead. It is not natural for an animal that is attacked to be loving of the attacker. What is natural for the prey animal is to feel either fear and run away or anger and fight. It is natural to either run or fight danger.

We are animals and so, loving the one who attacked you your whole life, never regretted it, truly asked for your forgiveness and offered to make it up to you, over time… to love such a person is to offer yourself yet again to be prey.

Your title has “negative energy” in it. Anger doesn’t feel good and often people express it abusively. But when not expressed abusively, it has a valid purpose- to protect you from danger, from another attack, and in so doing- it is positive…positive energy.

anita