To anita again”:

I start to believe that if I got the background in which I was treated this way and I tolerated it I will keep my mouth shut and bite my tongue if others are doing the same to me because as you said your parents are the ones you look up to. I got that feeling that I am in a vicious cycle of people mistreating me and I will never get out of it because whenever someone makes something nice for me I feel strange and I think they are setting things up just for their favour later- which happened with that boy I have already wrtitten for and don’t know how to treat him anymore cuz I will feel bad if I make him understand what a piece of crap he made me feel and if I do him good he will continue making fun of me in the worst way ever and only use me as I let him do that.

So that is where I am- giving my back to my background concrete wall that I can hardly destroy and in front of the same wall of my future as a naive fool whose voice I can’t just stop raising in me.