Dear Midnight:

You are welcome. You wrote: “my issues are more complex than that… It is hard to tell what is the cause of these issues as it is probably a mixture of things, not just my experiences with my brother….so much other stuff contributed to these issues becoming what they are now”

There is no way to map out a complete diagram of all the issues, all the experiences you had through the decades and determine what caused what percentage of your current experience.

My therapist taught me the concept of having a Beginner’s Mind: looking at things as if for the first time. And so, there was this very significant experience with your older brother. (Of course, there is the element of your parents not protecting you from him, not supervising; ignoring the symptoms of distress you must have exhibited).

Healing is not about a dry intellectual analysis. A complete analysis of a lifetime is impossible, simply impossible. But healing is very possible without complete analysis.

The reason it is crucial, not optional but necessary for healing, for you to explore the experiences with your brother is for this purpose: once- through time, gradually, with a competent, honest therapist- adequately integrate those experiences into your awareness, the thoughts and feelings that characterize your ROCD, which focus on your husband, will be peeled off from their current object (your husband) and will connect to their rightful object: your brother.

anita