Dear blkhwkdwn1:

Please feel free to post here anytime: express your thoughts and your feelings any time you want. I will personally reply each time that you do.

If you consider suicide again, please contact a suicide hotline, check “Free Resources” on this website to contact, check yourself into a hospital and otherwise reach for help. I am not a professional and am not equipped to deal with people expressing such considerations. I strongly recommend you reach out for professional help or a hotline where people are trained to handle this. And so, I will not address the suicide topic.

I will address any of your thoughts and feelings otherwise.

If and when you want to address your belief that you deserve to suffer, please do: write about it here or otherwise seek competent psychotherapy to examine it there. It is definitely a significant belief that needs to be examined in competent psychotherapy.

anita