Dear LBNL:

Your share is a testimony that expressed anger (as in yelling, using disapproving words etc.) at a person does not motivate the recipient of the anger to do better in life. What motivates is gentleness and patience.

What your mother’s anger did, as she later acknowledged, is hurt you and cause you to turn more to food, the exact opposite of her intent.

And now as you struggle, when you struggle, apply toward yourself the attitude that does work and not the attitude that harms you: be gentle and patient with yourself. Do not expect perfection or a happily-ever-after state of living. Congratulate yourself for your accomplishments, however “small” (there is no such thing as small accomplishment in my view); be gentle with yourself when you are not perfect (no such state of operating for a human either); focus on gradual progress. You will figure things out along the way, no need (or possibility) to figure everything immediately.

anita