Christopher (and JoeDar) –
I have been there, too. In fact, I too am going through another difficult trial right now.
But let me share what I can in order to help you.
As anita very well stated, a chapter has ended – but your life is far, far from over. I am 52 and remember times when I was your age when I too faced significant loss (yes, of a girl) and thought all was over. But “time” is a very funny thing. We are always moving forward. And there really are new things, people, opportunities just around every corner. And, as these new things consume your attention, time and emotions, the old things really do fade away. Honest.
Depression is real
Depression is a real thing that can hurt. It lurks and sneaks up on you when you’re most vulnerable – and fills your head with thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety, fear of the future, debt, worthlessness, loneliness, etc. This happens to everyone. Still, here’s what I do when this happens: call it out! Like turning on the light in a dark room and saying, “Get the hell out of here! Your cancerous thoughts are not welcome here – NOW GO!” Depression can act like a fake friend; snuggling up against you and getting you to believe negative things. Don’t let it. Depression is a weak snake. Run it over with your Mack truck.
Of course, some depression can be severe – and overwhelming. When this happens, seek a trained profession to help you navigate through it.
Be positive – and stay positive
It’s very hard to be positive. And it’s even harder when everyone else seems to be happy, successful and better off. But this isn’t the case. Everyone has self-doubt and anxiety – even the President and the Pope. It’s simply part of being human. But when you eject the negative thoughts that depression brings, back-fill the void you just created with positive thoughts. I know, easier done than said. But people pick up the “vibe” of others who are positive; they are more open, comfortable to be around, genuine, honest – and attractive. Yes, it’s proven that most women would much rather be around a positive guy who’s genuinely interested in them rather than a GQ cover stud who’s a total egotistical jerk.
Get up – and out
Everything that is worth something takes work and effort. Break from your “comfortable norm.” Meaning, don’t sit around and watch TV, etc. Get up – and out. Walk. Run. Exercise if you can. Breathe fresh, outside air. The more you’re in motion, the better. It’s not only good for your body, but it flushes the nasty cob webs out of your head. And say “good-bye” to negative BS.
Keep your faith – close
I must mention this – because you did. I am a Christian. I’m not going to assume you are, too, although you may be. Still, faith is critical – especially when we are facing times of trial. Remember, “faith” is not “religion.” People wage wars over religions. Faith is personal. It’s about the deep, intimate relationship that is real between you and God. You will get through this, Christopher. Pray about it. Be patient. And don’t compare yourself to others. You are unique – and full of huge potential. You are where Michael Jordan was in high school.
Your time is coming, Christopher. I just know it. Now, go for a long walk. And pray. God’s a great listener.
Write back as much as you want. I’ll check in regularly.
In the meantime, I’ll pray that peace engulfs your soul today.