Dear runningwithcats:

Yes, it makes sense to me. The most important part is that you assert yourself, that you do spend your time with whom and how you want to spend it. How you do it is secondary to your need to take care of yourself first.

I prefer the straight forward solution to most problems. I would feel better about myself telling her straightforwardly than postponing seeing her with no explanation. I would feel stronger (for being assertive) and honest (for being honest).

Thing to consider: if you tell her this in person, you will see her first reaction- it may be a stunned reaction (to be followed later by a delayed reaction), it may be hurt and poor-me, it may be anger. If you write to her, you will not see her first reaction and she will have time- if she is so inclined- to process your assertion before reacting to you. If I was her, I would prefer the writing option because I would need the time to compose myself and settle.

But I am not her, of course. If you do take the writing option, you can add to it that you are willing to meet with her and discuss this (not negotiate it, just talk about it).

anita