Dear Ellie:

What I understand from your clarification is that the relative with whom you are staying was abusive to you but your husband stood up for you many times and as a result she is no longer abusive, not directly. She dislikes you and makes it clear to you and that bothers you a lot.

Clearly, you can’t change how she feels about you. I am glad she changed her behavior toward you. Accept best you can that she indeed doesn’t like you, so that it doesn’t bother you that much. Don’t look at her Facebook postings: don’t go out of your way to find evidence and proof that she dislikes you- you already know that.

Don’t complain to your children about her indirect passive aggressive references to you (real or imagined, at times) Don’t burden them with it, it is not fair to them. I don’t know if you have, but I am mentioning it just in case.

Regarding certain behaviors on her part, indirect references to you- you can confront her about those, such as saying: “I feel like you were talking about me when you said …I will appreciate it if you do not do that.”

anita