Hi Anna,

Thanks for your response. Yes, he lacks integrity, you are correct. But nobody is perfect, and I see what suffering it also brings him to be like that. He says he wants to change and I feel that I love him enough otherwise to try to learn how to wait compassionately. I think that is a good thing to learn to do regardless. I also think it is a good thing for me to rewire myself to repair the abandonment reaction, whether or not I stay with my boyfriend in the end. I am in therapy and am making some progress with that, but I guess he’s always giving me new material to test how good that progress really is…

There was a time in past relationships where I was a bad partner because I was selfish and uncompromising without even realizing it, but I grew out of it and am much more respectful to others now. Like I said, we are so well matched in almost all other areas; I want to give him the chance to overcome his issues.

He empowers me with regard to other issues I have, so I can’t say I’d be settling and I am so much better and more emotionally healthy and better at making decisions than he is. It’s not that I don’t think I “deserve better”, I have even said that to him. It’s that I think we are both stronger individually and together if we pull each other up the ladder step-by-step.

What do you think of that?

AH