Dear Esther,

Its great you have posted here. Welcome 🙂 After going through your posts, the following thoughts came to my mind :-

1) You want to feel a sense of ease with yourself

2) You crave more intimacy with others but can’t seem to open up that much because of trust issues

3) You want your mom to push you more to be independent

4) The past was a mixed bag, the present seems dull and the future feels like it will eventually turn dull when you come back from your short tours.

You feel like you don’t quite know what you want to do, not sure of what to do next, there are monetary restrictions and internal ones too.

As a result, you feel more demotivated and kinda hopeless.

This might sound trite but perhaps what you may be really missing is a job that gives you enough independance to move out, a good friend here and there, more confidence about yourself and self initiative.

I think you are looking for “that something” to make you feel more alive and optimistic. Life neeeds to feel more colorful and new.

What do you reckon you can do to feel more uplifted from inside? What do you think is missing most at the moment?

Regards
Nina