Dear jlo5:

Welcome back and thank you for being back here for an update. I read through a good part of your posts here since September. Clearly, you have been the best partner possible to this man. You were focused on him, aiming at his well being, for a long, long time. You made many sacrifices, changes, hoping his life experience will improve. You took abuse and experienced lots of distress trying to help him. You did anything and everything possible for his well being.

It is a shame that I may be more able to appreciate all your efforts than him, the recipient of so much thought, energy and time on your part.

Unfortunately, the boys have been and are suffering from their father in-wellness and from your sacrifices for him. In trying so very hard to improve their father’s well being, the kids are paying the price.

Take best care possible of your boys, protect them from their father’s un-wellness… and from your strong drive to help him (at the kids’ and your own expense).

I hope you leave the man as soon as possible and limit the boys’ exposure to their father at this point. Better prevent such exposure than allow it so that the oldest can see a psychologist. If you prevent more damage to the boys, there will be less work to be done in counseling, and that is a better option.

anita