I think it’s kind of interesting that in your last letter you mention something that held you back from experiencing the world around you, and that you are seeing that clearly right now.

Perhaps what’s surfacing for you is a growing awareness and exploration of things that held/hold you back?

Could it be that a part of you is ready to bust out of the shell? Part of the shell has been imposed on you from self-preservation from the ‘situation’. But from what you’re saying, part of it was there already at 9. You are sensitive and introspective, so it’s natural that this would take hold of you sometimes and hold you back from what’s around you.

Or maybe while thinking of visiting your friend, which you anticipate will be a special thing, you want to make sure you don’t repeat the Hawaii situation?

So in what ways are you still doing it, and in what do you think would help you break out of it? Any ideas about what kind of life you WANT to live (no answer necessary)? If there were not anxiety, ’blockages’ phobias, or situational limitations, how would you see yourself living?

Totally normal by the way that you would feel angsty about getting a job lot’s of people do – it’s a big deal since it’s a ‘first’. So don’t take yourself to task for it. Try not to attach everything i.e. getting out of the house, paying rent somewhere,being a grown up etc.. to getting a job. You’re not there yet. Just try observing those things that hold you back.

Small goals, imposing small doses of discipline on yourself that no one has to know about but you ( if it makes you feel vulnerable in the house or would get negative comments), then building on that. I do think that a combination of addressing those things in therapy and just plain action that gets you out of yourself (meaning getting out of the house, the Charter school, going to Powell’s, exploring something new etc..) will go a long way.

Any more/better communication in the last counseling session? Note that there’s a / between the words more and better.