Dear danita:

The problems in your relationship are probably not your issues OR his issues, but both your issues. You have a part in the dysfunction and he has a part in it.

You wrote: “When things are good he is caring and loving, but whenever I am going through a difficult time emotionally… he is cold, distant and sometimes actually nasty…” You also wrote: ” I do get emotional sometimes and end up either really hysterical crying…”

Since he is caring and loving otherwise, it makes me think that when you are in pain, it is very distressing to him and he reacts angrily. If when in pain you hysterically cry for a long time each time, and going on and on with histrionics, IF this is the case, then understandably he gets angry.

It is harmful for a person to watch endless crying, going on and on about one’s misery and such, so avoid that, IF this is the case. Being in pain is not a license to express it any which way. With your partner, and with your child, you have to consider their well being when you are in pain and express it but in a contained, discipline way.

Let me know about the IF and otherwise.

anita