Dear Kendall Adams:

I miscounted. He told you his NO twice, not three times. The first is: “I am not ready to commit” and the second: “I can’t give you what you want or deserve in a relationship.” The NO is in the “I am NOT ready and in “I can NOT give you…”

This is what I would do at this point, if I was you. I would write him a letter or an email and make it very honest and very true to you. The following is an example, suggestion, take from it what is true to you, make it your own:

Dear Jeff:

I have loved you for so long, wanting to have you in my life as my husband. I still desire that. I re-read your text. You wrote that you care about your yes being yes and your no being no. On further re-reading I realized that you did say your No twice in this text. The first: “I am not ready to commit” and the second: “I can’t give you what you want or deserve in a relationship”

As much as I wish the truth was different, it is right here in front of me, your very NO. It is the same NO evident in you breaking our engagement as well as in the ten months to follow. I just didn’t see it.

Now that I see it, as painful as it is for me, as much as I wish it wasn’t so, as hard as I prayed it wasn’t so, I must accept reality; I must accept your no.

I wish you well.

(your name)

Notice in my quotes of his NO, the two quotes, I ended them before his words “right now”- the suggestion in the “right now” is that it may be different later. That is his in-between-states input. But you don’t want to be in this in-between-states, so you are helping him in putting into practice the famous Matthew 5:37New King James Version “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

What can be a more spiritual, loving act on your part, than to help him move away from “the evil one”- the in-between-states?

If you send him this message, and he responds, let me know of his response, will you?

anita