Thank you all for your feedback, I agree whole heartedly with what everyone has said and I truly appreciate all of the input, tips and advice <3
anita, to answer your question, when I am “in a mood” I am overwrought with anxiety. I think the worst about everything, and I think I am right and justified in all thoughts. I become self-righteous. I think I’ve cracked the code to peoples actions and behaviors towards me, none of it is ever good, and so I take it upon myself to call them out. This is when I start a fight, because I think I am expressing my pain, when really it’s accusatory and doesn’t come off well. It’s fear…it’s needy and codependent, I think. Because as Inky has said, this is when I should be leaving the situation when instead I stick around thinking I’ll earn respect or something by making my true feelings known. This never works out, and people drop me first, or they keep me around for whatever reason but never truly respect me. I am fortunate that I do have solid friendships, they’re just 3000 miles away as I moved away from home for my career.
To expand upon what jes has said, I think journaling would probably be the best route for dealing with grief? It’s one think to forgive, but I have not been able to let go of the feelings that it’s left me with. Talking it out into a page would probably do wonders for releasing it from my soul, in conjunction with the breathing that VJ has suggested.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 