I do see similar themes to my issue also and what helped is anita saying you have to spend your energies on the healthy relationship. You can still love and let go of that ex who may have had great chemistry but clearly as u admitted was not the life partner the new person is.

Its hard and i know it myself but keep battling away and realise u need to be mindful that you are exactly where you need to be right now with somebody who fits what u need not what u crave.

Feel free to message me its always better to get it off your chest. I felt same about my ex but in reality i know my current is the right person amd better fit. My problem is wanting to fix broken things which meant i was focusing on the broken not the healthy relationship.

We can do this