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  • #139291
    Amirah Capillaire
    Participant

    Hi guys

    Sooooo my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me !, first when I arrived back off holiday he said he needed time to pull himself together that he wasn’t copping and that since he was at such a pivotal point in his life his family and therapist suggested this was best …. so we was on a break , then after a week he would message me that he hasn’t fogotton me etc etc then after another weem maybe I sent him a few messages that maybe came across like I was trying to dictate how he spent his time whilst on this so called break …. anyway I think he could see this wasn’t fair on me and he ended things told me to move on were over and I’ve not heard from him since, in all fairness I haven’t called him because I wanted to respect his feelings … His had two deaths in his family 3 weeks into our relationship and his mother left him when he was 8 so I’m guessing he has some issue there PLUS his a cancerian …..!

     

    Looking back his done this alot, always asks for space because his feeling down… I reckon his suffer with depression and some parent issues … he told me he loved me and that I was his future… not sure if this is the depression or what ….

    I’ve stayed positive because I believe his the one for me , outside of his bereavements his everything you could ask for in a man , loyal , loving , compassionate , sensitive…. it’s endless bit right now his acting really cut throat !. 

    #139309
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amirah Capillaire:

    You wrote that he repeatedly initiated breaks in your relationship when he was feeling down- if him feeling down meant feeling sad, then he would be reaching out to you for comfort, to feel better. I am thinking he was feeling conflicted, troubled as well as down. His distress, his conflict led him to initiate the breaks.

    Do you know what his conflict was about?

    anita

    #139325
    Amirah Capillaire
    Participant

    He suffered how two family deaths 3 weeks into out relationship and he also has a very strained relationship with his mother who left him when he was 8 to move to another country and start a new family with out him …. he tends to be the one his family  reply on his career driven, successful and financially stable for someone of 30 but yet his very I feel emotionally unbalance (his a cancer) but where the relationship is new I only saw snippets as if he was trying to protect / conceal me seeing this side to him as his a very proud person ..

    #139367
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amirah Capillaire:

    I didn’t understand: “He was trying to protect/ conceal me”- ?

    anita

    #139407
    Amirah Capillaire
    Participant

    From his anger his weaker side his family issues his mood swings….

    #139427
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amirah Capillaire:

    It is a good thing that you respect his feelings and his need to not be in a relationship, and so, you maintain the no contact.

    Reads to me that his straining, difficult relationship with his mother, and maybe demanding (of him) relationships with other family members are draining him of any energy needed for a new relationship (as with you). I hope therapy helps him to end the relationships he does need to end (perhaps the one with his mother), re-negotiate other relationships and in so, make a healthier life possible for him.

    anita

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