Hi Anita,

I attempted to post earlier but I don’t think it went through. We ended our relationship this morning. We both knew it was at an end, but I went over there to essentially finalize and have a final discussion after not speaking to each other all day yesterday (unheard of for us). Though the split was civil and amicable, and we said kind things to each other, he did not apologize for the ways he hurt me this week by forgetting our plans in favor of more enticing ones that came along. He acknowledged that this happened, and acknowledged his unwillingness to change or compromise. This was confirmation to me of all the things I’ve been discussing here. We did not focus on any of this, as it seemed pointless and draining considering we were ending the relationship because we both knew it would not be resolved. I did not wish to force him to admit he was being selfish and to apologize. He stated that he does not want to change who he is, and it’s not for me to tell him he needs to make that change. It was just our time to part ways. He did want to stay friends, and I told him I would need some space and time to re-calibrate.

I am so grateful for everyone’s messages on here, as they have helped me think about and work through some very painful and confusing days. I’m sad and hurt, but deep down know this is for the best.

I believe you are right, Anita, when you talk about my fundamental belief that I am wrong that was with me before this relationship. I also believe it stems from childhood. I currently intern at a domestic violence shelter, and it is from this experience that I learned that my step-father of 11 years was extremely controlling as well as emotionally and economically abusive. I have other issues from childhood as well. I have been seeing a therapist on campus for awhile now, but our focus shifts and we’ve dealt a lot with my anxiety and history of sexual assault, as for the duration of this relationship I’ve believed that those were my primary problems. I’m seeing now that I need to focus more on why I always tend to blame myself when things are difficult.

Thank you for your insight. I’ve spent many years on a journey to healing and wholeness, and despite the sadness I feel from this relationship, I am excited and grateful to be continuing this journey and see what else I am able to learn from this situation.