Hi Anita, yes that is exactly how it happens. Thank you so much for putting it so clearly. I attract circumstances where I want something but somehow it is taken away from me or is there in front of me but I cannot have it. I have to stand and watch myself of my loved ones suffer and I am helpless. Now that you ask me I feel that there is no one instance that might have triggered this. It has been like this all my life. Let me share a few instances- 1. When I had to give my exams many people would come to my tiny apartment and make all sorts of noises. Inspite of trying hard I wouldn’t be able to study. We lived in a single studio. Then if I voiced out, I would be silenced saying this is not your house alone, learn to study like this. Then if I tried to find a library, it would be full giving me no place. We didn’t have the kind of study circles we do now. So I had to go back and study sometimes in the shower amidst all noise. 2. Some relative who takes advantage will come over and stay for indefinite period of time. If I tried to set boundaries I would be scolded. I had to suffer in silence praying and begging god to make this go away. 3. When I was a kid my toys and other things were taken away from me either by someone or given away to my cousins by my own parents. I used to cry in protest as we were poor and this was all I had but in vain. I would be scolded and silenced and said learn to share. I then stared hiding my toys, even those were taken away. If I cried I would be scolded to stop crying. I used to stand and watch helplessly as they took my stuff. Childhood was one horrible time with my mostly crying in silence watching others ruin my life and my caretakers not do anything. Recently I see this pattern even in my adult life. We are unable to get married because the divorce is stuck on the other side. It was long before I met him and it is still going on.It has been years now and we are waiting as I am truly helpless in this case. I do not get promoted until I can add another person to the role, I have done everything but due to cost issues they are not signing it off. Unless the client agrees to the cost it won’t happen and I won’t get promotion. Many many such instances are there. Small ones like if I want a dress it would be available all the time, but once I go to buy, it will go out of stock. If All my friends got exam leave and only I had to b g and beg and finally got half the time because of the rules in my office. I never get good flight tickets when I want. I never get what I want, even if I do it would be after a huge struggle and by the time I get it I am exhausted. I grew up learning life is hard and complicated. I don’t want to complain but I am doing it. But I truly want to release this pattern now that I see it and enjoy my life. The general theme like I said is I feel powerless over my own life. It is there in front of me, it comes to me but I cannot do anything to enjoy it. It only gets worse. Please help me. I am trying to make positive changes to m