Hi Anita,
I’m trying to do just that. I have started a list of reasons why he wouldn’t have made a good long term partner, but I can’t help but feel like I want to add to every one “but he could change if he wanted to”. I think I feel personal failure that I wasn’t fully able to motivate him to change. I think he was at the beginning, for a month or so, but I didn’t even realize that was a “better” version of himself. I just thought that was who he was. I wish I had known better, that I didn’t give him such a hard time for things that worried me, rather just sat back and observed more. I wish I didn’t get so upset the last time I saw him and I wish I hadn’t have had too much to drink and cried about our argument. I don’t think any of that would have happened though if I had maintained better boundaries, if I had not had too much to drink and took care of myself better. I suppose this is a difficult lesson to learn, and even more difficult not to take responsibility for the whole relationship failing.

I’m really struggling being confident in my ability to point out what part of this was his doing, and what part of it was my insecurities, projections, and fantasies. It’s very, very difficult and I feel like I’m learning a new skill and not very good at it! If it were you, what would you add at the top of “The Truth” list?

Thank you again so much for your help. It’s so appreciated, as always.