You bring up such good points, Anita. At times I’m envious of people like him that can sort of switch of their feelings, but when I really think about it, I would not want to trade places. I don’t think people like him are able to have real deep and lasting connections with others. Which of course, begs the question why I am still fantasizing about the relationship.

I believe what you said initially to my post is the real loss I am grieving. I am grieving what he represented at the time, the kind of man who I need to be with, who satisfies my craving for love and attention. The package he came in was simply a bonus, I believe.

Now that this fantasy has gone on this long (almost as long as the actual “relationship”!), I’m wondering what I should do moving forward. He seems indifferent at best and uninterested at worst to meeting with me, and I feel stuck. Part of me feels if I push it enough, he will meet with me, and I will be faced with my fantasy/illusion head on and will move on from it (I will see who he truly is), and part of me feels like I should just let it go as it is, cut all contact, and proceed without stripping anymore of my dignity to him.

What do you think should be my next step?

Thank you so much again for your patience and wisdom!