Dear Christy Lim:

You wrote: “People said you will only feel your life without fear and anxiety when you have the goal in your life.”- I don’t think it is possible to experience life without fear. I wish it was possible. Having a goal, even one you are fully committed to, can help live a better life, but it does not take fear or anxiety away.

You described the symptoms of your anxiety (ongoing, excess fear): running to the toilet, over-sweating, feeling cold, being breathless.

Anxiety does interfere with living, taking away the energy that would otherwise be available for you to get excited about goals and activities/ hobbies.

You asked: “How do I become really better?”- learning skills to slow down the brain (relaxing guided meditation, slow yoga, tai-chi, mindfulness), aerobic exercise, like a fast walk, having a daily routine (to incorporate let’s say a walk per day, followed by 15 minutes of yoga stretching), distracting yourself when anxious with non-harmful activities like a walk when anxious or listening to relaxing music, different distractions at different times. And more.

anita

Dear Christy Lim:

I didn’t understand: “I’m difficult to believe myself always even though i meet the sudden hiccups, it will make me back to square. The process I means~ Or this call not enough insist? “- can you take your time and re-write this clearly, in a few more sentences?

Your last question: how to make yourself more brae in facing anything- can you give me an example of one thing you want to face, the circumstances of this thing you wish you could face?

anita

Dear Christy Lim:

It is natural to avoid what we fear. Animals and humans naturally avoid what is perceived as danger. To “make (yourself) more brave in facing” what you fear, it takes the following:

choose a relatively small goal first, facing just one thing you fear, meeting friend in a café close by. Plan the drive, visualize it, then execute it. When you successfully execute this goal, congratulate yourself.

Following some time, choose another small goal, plan and execute. Congratulate yourself. You build confidence and courage this way, bit by bit.

Over time, a long time, you will be able to choose greater goals. Practice patience along the way, as it takes a long time.

anita

You are welcome, Christy Lim. I hope you post again, anytime you need to.

anita

Dear Christy Lim:

I suffered from severe anxiety early on, from a very early age. I had my first competent, quality psychotherapy in 2011 (three years total, with a few breaks). Since 2011 I have been working very hard, daily, on healing from anxiety and I am still anxious. It is still a work-in-progress.

There is progress, definitely. In many ways. But the anxiety is still there. Anxiety is very powerful. It is fear, and fear is the most powerful emotion. It is so because in nature, animals are designed to survive, first and foremost, and to survive they need to escape danger. To escape danger, they have to notice danger fast. To notice danger… that is the purpose of fear. And so, fear is powerful.

There is such a thing as managing anxiety and healing from  anxiety. Both should go hand in hand. And it takes a lot of work, time, patience… lots and lots of patience. No magical solutions, no shortcuts.

Sometimes when you feel calm, you think (don’t you?) that you can be calm like this all the time, from now on… but anxiety will be back. So expect it. Then take on the long term process of managing and healing.

anita

Dear Christy Lim:

A person who is anxious and has been anxious for a long time cannot will themselves to no longer be anxious. You can say to yourself: I don’t like being anxious, so from now on I will not be anxious!- but it doesn’t work that way. It takes a long time to train the brain to be less and less anxious. You bring up a good point about “the healing percentage”- can I be not anxious at all, I ask myself, day in and day out, for a whole week, in the future? I don’t know. I have to be patient and keep going, keep doing my best to heal.

You wrote that “People said things happened for a reason”- you mean that there is a purpose for you being anxious- that it was planned by a god entity for a “good reason”? If so, I don’t believe that at all. Not everything that people say is correct, you know. Anxiety is not a good thing and there is no purpose for it. It never helps.

anita

Dear Christy Lim:

Anxiety is a very unpleasant feeling, very distressing. You were probably anxious earlier in life.  Certain life circumstances make the anxiety worse. The more anxious we are, the more we think and over-think (the brain tries to find a solution to the problem that causes anxiety, so to resolve the anxiety, and not finding a solution- or not detecting the problem- it keeps thinking and thinking…)

The fear (which is what anxiety is about) is kind of … stuck in your brain, circulating there, gone for just a little while and then it is back. Time alone will not cause the fear to get unstuck, so to speak. Competent, quality psychotherapy, focusing on your anxiety problem, can help you greatly in gaining insight to the origin of your anxiety as well as learning skills to manage it, to lower it, and re-train your brain, causing that fear to get unstuck.

anita