Hi Zoe,

I can relate to the toxic atmosphere as I have faced this in my past team too. Actually I was also bullied in school so I wasn’t very comfortable standing up to people even until recently. Self esteem is an issue for me. So it is not very easy to ignore such behaviour.

The problem in such situations at work is that it feels like high school all over again just that the people are different. I struggled for many days at work as they created drama, sniggered as I walked past and created all sorts of rumours. Because I was good at my work and didn’t  participate in their dirty little cliques, I was the target of their horrible behaviour even more.

There was a time when I seriously considered changing jobs. But we can’t just do that every time someone does something to us. One thing that helped me was the knowledge that their power over me is only one thing – my reaction to them. It is easier said than done, but simple really. It was tough at first but eventually one gets used to the fact that nothing is wrong with us, they are insecure and hence try to bring us down. Maybe they are just mean.

Try to look for better options, but meanwhile just be comfortable with yourself. There will be specific feelings that they make you feel, focus on what it is. For me, it was shame, guilt etc from high school teasing. I focused on why it bothers me now and knew that it reminds me of then. Maybe you can see if there is a theme. Try to feel good as much as you can and continue your work till the time something better opens up. I am glad you have support at home. Just don’t give in to the provocation at work until it really affects your work. I am a woman so I know how mean women can get in such situations. Still know you are better than them and that is why they are trying to pull you down.

Dont take things personally at work and try your best to be yourself. Such people are immature, try to rise above them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of making you feel miserable. Hold on and good luck with your search. May you get a very good workplace soon which truly makes you happy.