Dear Anita,

I’m going to work on limiting my time on social media as well as eliminate the persistency in which I check my phone. I think I will try disabling notifications on my lock screen so that I don’t always feel obligated to pull my phone out of my pocket and check for a message or snapchat. The reason I sometimes feel so obligated to check is because I feel like I could get in “trouble” or “upset” my girlfriend by not responding quickly enough if the message is important or something. I will just have to work on avoiding pleasing her in that way and will have to communicate my reasoning.

I definitely can now understand what you mean by the dance of anxiety. It changes course at each end of the spectrum and the momentum never stops. I will be positive and then negative for as long as the day goes on. I want to so badly find a stable ground, where there is balance and less judgement and more understanding. I don’t want to look at my girlfriend as “perfect” or as a “salvation” but I also don’t want intrusive thoughts about her sexual past or things she has said/done that I interpreted as negative in the past.

There is nothing I want more than to find peace and clarity and a sense of calm. I need to be able to focus on my schoolwork because there is a long road ahead.