Dear Anita,

I live with my mother and stepfather at the moment, which is for the summer, until I return to college. I don’t technically live on my own, I live with others at college.

I think that I used to view my mother as loving and always watching out for me, but I know that I didn’t always get her attention and would pout or feel upset sometimes. I have always been a sensitive individual and that makes me more reactive to such subtle things around me, depending on the situation. My mother made sure I was healthy and always wanted the best for me, but she also was a fearful mother, always informing me of what to watch out for in life. In a way, her anxiety transferred over to me. She told me what kind of people to watch out for and stay away from and always told me to be careful about who I marry because of her previous relationship with my biological father that didn’t work out. I should also add that I never liked being criticized, being wrong, or getting in trouble. I don’t know if I was affected in this way because of my sensitivity or for another reason.

Today I see my mother as loving and caring, but I don’t necessarily crave that attention from her anymore. I’m independent from my mother now; I still love her and talk to her, but I don’t feel the need to spend time with her to fill an empty hole. This could be why I seek out as much attention as I do in other relationships.

Scott