Hi anita,

Thank you for taking the time out and replying in so much detail.

I am stunned. I now understand and can feel it is not the words or treatment, but the fact that I was mistreated is what has been bothering me all along. Maybe because this was the most revolting thing I have heard about myself, it can trigger an intense and immediate inside of me. But the baseline remains the same- something bad happened to me, unprovoked by me, and the bad people got away and and I ended up losing something and hurting. I didn’t look at it this way ever. It has always been what did I do to deserve this. But it has actually been why didn’t someone stand up for me or help me. 

As the proverb goes, it is not the words of the enemies, it is the silence of our friends. 

As for the hurtful words, I am beginning to feel that they themselves do not have power over me. I don’t have to view their words as the truth. It is a lie. I can honour myself and not need anyone to tell me that. 

The connection thing you wrote is amazing, I can see it now. I hope I can start to feel better about this soon. I feel like something closed today after having this interaction with you. There was something unfinished, something I was waiting for. Today I came to know what was bothering me. And something just sort of completed, closed inside me. This issue finally completes and shows me the picture of what I was actually feeling hurt about. Those words triggered my feeling like a victim. Maybe different situation, but end result is the same. 

I will try to surely see how best I can forget this incident. I don’t know how, maybe now it will be easier. It is a lot to take in, maybe I will seek your help again for suggestions. But I need to sit and process this now. Otherwise it will keep pricking me. 

Thank you very very much for helping me out with this. I was struggling for 5 years and now I feel I have done something for myself. 

Thanks 

littlered