I have tried to spend my life dealing with the traumas dealt to me in my younger (& older) life. It sounds as though you may have unresolved anger tied with this ‘incident’ in your life. Toward whoever was responsible and more importantly your father, who allowed this to go on. You can not expect to just jump to resolution and acceptance until you complete the journey from the beginning and confront those demons hindering your healing. Only then will you be able to set foot upon the path of redemption for yourself and those you ‘love’.