Hello, I broke up with my SO two months ago. It was mutual and only due to the fact he had to take a job abroad which completely changed our relationship plans. We were together for almost three months (1-month distance, one month together and another month at a distance with a long-distance breakup. We met very randomly and fell for each other in a very unexpected way. It was intense, passionate and a very real love. I consider myself a mature person and was very careful with guys before, and avoiding relationships. I know it’s not always a good thing, but I have very high standards and believe I am WAY better off alone than in bad company. With him, everything was different. He is the first person I loved, and I just felt like I had found the perfect match, from all the perspectives. There was a real chemistry; we shared a lot in the sense that we were lovers but also friends, talked about a lot of things together and were genuinely happy. We had planned things long term, and it is only because we knew it would work out as we would be reunited that I decided to give us a try.

I find it very hard to find someone I can see myself with and be with due to very high expectations, and it takes me a lot of time before trusting and liking someone. I usually don’t find it a problem because I believe it’s best to avoid any disappointment. We were very serious, and I can say with no doubt, although I am “young”, that he was husband material. He always said how much he had hope for us and wanted our story to last because we both had never felt like this for anyone else before.

Life and circumstances changed our take on this all and we “had to” breakup because it was “best” considering there were no plans for a reunion coming soon anymore and we were forced to take this decision for us to be able to move on. It was hard, but I kept on telling myself that it was needed. I felt like it was normal to go through pain on a short/medium term to be able to feel better later on.

After going through the post breakup phone calls and talks to no contact with the doubts/paranoïa phase and no contact again. He was quite harsh and cold after the breakup because he accused me of not willing to let go whereas he was trying to. We sometimes talk but not about our life (mostly technical things), and he gets hot/cold although I am not making moves to “reconquer” him or anything. He is sometimes very abrupt then speaks very generally and then doesn’t reply at all to messages that technically do require one. I know he is not happy with his life (I have proofs and know he went through hard times) but he does not talk about it, and I don’t want to be pushy. I feel like I am moving on but can’t prevent myself from crying every now and then and thinking about him and us.

I am torn between the fact that I do not want to (and maybe can’t) erase him out of my life because we both did nothing wrong and I still value the relationship/him a lot. I have to admit I would want us to be together again one day but I know it is not possible now and I just don’t know what to do. Of course, I should “move on, live my life and if it is meant to be it will happen” but it is hard to stick to that because it doesn’t help moving on. I feel like part of me should maintain contact, even in a friendly way, for us to be able to if not be a couple again at least be friends. I want to keep him in my life under any circumstance, but I don’t know if it’s right or how to do it. I don’t know whether I should just keep on not contacting him and accept the fact he is hot/cold in his answers, but then again I am not sure how I should behave when he answers because I don’t think it’s ok to “ignore” someone for days and then come back apologising for not replying but I also don’t want to play games such as “oh you haven’t responded to in 10 days? Wait for two weeks before I answer your message” because I think it’s a bit childish.

Any advices please? Thank you 🙁