Hi Aballa,

I would like to share my story here as I am not sure if it was an abusive relationship. I would like to know your thoughts on this.

It started about 8 months ago when we met online where he instantly liked me and contacted me . He said he was in love right in the first two weeks and decided to get married to me. We met about a month later and he introduced to his family and friends as his fiancee. We were in a long distance relationship and after coming back our families met and planned to get us married as soon as possible. The first two months were fine  but after that he suddenly started becoming distant and even when we were on call he used to browse  , not respond properly and ignore me. After few months he stopped talking about the future but still said he loves me and promised to me and my parents that he would only marry me. Our families then decided on a date to get us married which is when he talked his family to postpone the wedding saying he is not financially stable and does not want to get married until next year. He still used to call me regularly and tell me that he loves me but he started criticizing about my physical appearances , said he looks better than me and never supported me in my problems. Even if start talking about myself the conversation used to always end up about his life and troubles as he is not financially stable and is yet to complete his masters. I was also beginning to get suspicious about him having an affair with somebody at work but he constantly denied about it. He was always different with me around his friends and family but in private he was constantly judgemental about everything. It was only about a month ago he started yelling at me , criticism has gone from bad to worse and even started name calling. When i stopped talking to him he started blaming me for all the problems in the relationship and that I am too sensitive to take his comments too seriously.I couldn’t prove to my family or his what was going on with me as I was experiencing extreme anxiety. He made my cry several times and didn’t even try to console me. I believe he is having an affair but he constantly denied about it and proved that I am crazy and I have extreme insecurity. I could feel it in my gut that something is wrong but I couldn’t prove it. I used to cry myself to sleep as he stopped caring about me and started yelling at me blaming it on his work pressure and other financial conditions.

We broke up but i still feel that I miss him as there were times when he was nice and calm. I really don’t know if I have done the right thing. He made me believe that I led to this break up and his family thinks that I am crazy and blaming him for no reason.