Hi!

I have a slightly different experience: my parents were at odds with the versions of Christianity they were taught, and as a result they as believers in Jesus were actively looking for a version where they could find a congenial community. They wound up as Pentecostals! Back then, they sensed an integrity and freedom in that tradition that was different from the more intellectualized versions of the rituals they were raised with. It’s hard to believe now, because the “brand identity” (if I can put it that way) of different traditions change.

The result was that no matter where I worshiped, I looked at it critically, like an outsider. Sometimes this made me feel like an oddball, but the result was good: I had to constantly compare what the worship and teaching was like with what Jesus actually taught. This meant that no matter where I worshiped, I agreed with some things and disagreed with others, but I could always find people to love, serve, and learn from.

One thing I’ve noticed (I’m 56 and have lived in different major cities as well as smaller towns, although never out of the US) is that what the different versions of the Bible say about Jesus is pretty constant, but that Christianity has changed drastically over the millennia and from culture to culture. One city I lived in was San Francisco, and they have EVERY flavor of Christianity there, often at odds with one another. From this I concluded that the various “Christianities” are simply a variety of human cultural responses to what Jesus wanted to tell first-century neighbors about God. First century Christianity in Antioch was different from first century Christianity in Corinth. Neither of those was like Christianity once emperor Constantine got a hold of it. Evangelical revivals in the third world, or secretly in places where they are forbidden, bear very little resemblance to suburban American worship.

If you are having trouble walking away from Christianity, and are subject to negative emotions signalling your discomfort with the process, maybe you can notice what specifically you feel bad about abandoning. Being a follower of people because you seek approval? (Yes, I do that, too.) Being a follower of God because you sense a need for wisdom and humility? Maybe that’s a warning you can heed without backing down on your personal growth. Do you feel bad leaving what the media calls the religious right? Is the media usually accurate about what it says large groups believe? Maybe you can ignore those labels. Are you afraid mobs of thought-police will come to your house and guilt-trip you back? (There are denominations where this is an actual policy.) Maybe you need a restraining order–for real! The difficulty is figuring out what specifically is triggering the guilt and shame.

I find in my own faith that there have been times when the best way to walk TOWARD faith is by walking AWAY from religion. I say this is a committed shower-up, who helps out at the church I go to. You are the only one who can answer the call of integrity, which is one of the voices God uses to get our attention. If Christianity–or any other system of worship–is obscuring that voice you can walk away without guilt. Sometimes “Christianity” is an idol we realize we can no longer worship.

Cheryl