[Sept 24, 2017]

Gyunnie,

Today was a beautiful Sunday for me. How was yours? I hope that it was nice as well.

Tomorrow I will be having a graded discussion for my academic english class, I am very nervous for a lot of reasons.

I always hate speaking in general, and my teammates are all so smart. Maybe I won’t get a good grade being compared to them.

What would you do If you were me?

I am sure you will do an amazing job, as a guy that speaks 3 language fluently at 19 – your grammar is always perfect haha.

Wish me luck, ok? hehe

I feel a bit weird these days. I feel surprisingly fine that life goes on without you.

Even when my old church people asked about you, I answered without much thoughts. or sadness.

I am accepting the reality that you aren’t here with me. I am accepting the fact that right now we aren’t together for a few reasons.

Maybe someday we will be together again but before that … finding myself will be the ultimate goal. Am I right, Gyun-ah?

Just like how you are trying to find yourself right now – I will do my best to find myself as well … and being happy during the process as well.

I can see you smiling over reading this post of mine today, knowing you, you must think :

“Finally, this girl is getting it together. Your life is never worth ending for a guy like me.”

You are proud of me, right?

Just like how you are proud and admired a single mother who never got married with the father of her child. Knowing how hard it was for her to raise a child alone and facing all of the judgments of others.

I believe that you are proud of me.

And If you are here, you will give me a big hug and pat me on the back, saying

“You have worked very hard these past few months.”

Like usual, I wish you happiness in your life. Lots of it. I hope you are happy in your new university and new environment.

This time, I really mean it. I want you to be happy.

Even if you are happy without me being in your life, you still deserve to be because you are such a nice person.

I am going to bed right now … have a good night sleep. Sweet dreams.

I realise that it has been a while since we say our mandatory goodbye message … “sweet dreams”

Gyunnie, once again – sweet dreams.

-Mina