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How to validate your partners feelings?

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  • #170563
    Natasha
    Participant

    What is it?

    How do I do it?

    Any real and practical examples.

    Thanks.

    #170587
    Karen
    Participant

    To validate someones feelings is simply to acknowledge what they are saying or how they are feeling.  Some people suggest repeating their words back to them.  But it is simply, acknowledging that you heard and understood them.  I ask this of my guy all the time.  I can pour out some true feelings and he doesn’t say a word.  Or he will start talking about what is bothering him.  Never validating what I just said to him.  When someone talks they want to be heard.  For example:

    Not validating:

    Me: I feel like we are growing apart and it seems like you don’t care anymore.

    Him: I feel that way too

    Me: I try to show you by making dinner last night and suggesting we have a date night and go to a movie

    Him: I said I would go

    Validating:

    Me: I feel like we are growing apart and it seems like you don’t care anymore.

    Him: you really feel like we are growing apart? I don’t mean us to.  I really do care about you and I don’t want us to grow apart (obviously if he didn’t feel that way he would respond differently but the point is that I would know he knows exactly what I said)

    Me: I try to show you by making dinner last night and suggesting we have a date night and go to a movie

    Him:  Yes dinner was good and really nice of you.  I am sorry I didn’t take it serious to go to the movie, lets try again and go tonight.

    I hope this was helpful : )

     

     

     

    #170593
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Natasha:

    Here is an example of how to validate your partner’s feelings. A few days ago on your other thread you posted the following: “he is upset with me, telling me that I am a ‘bad person’ for telling him this things, ‘how could I have told him that his own family thinks bad things about him, that only a bad person could tell him that.’ So now he is resentful. He says his heart cannot forgive me for telling him that. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!”

    A way to not validate his feelings is to tell him: “SERIOUSLY? You don’t know what you are talking about….

    A way to validate his feelings would be to say something like this to him: You are very hurt by what I did, and disappointed of me going behind your back and talking to your aunt about you, listening to her saying bad things about you, and then, telling you those bad things. Am I understanding correctly?

    anita

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