Dear Zeeza:

It is not only the man who molested you who had injured you, it is also your family members who “”never acknowledge or say what had happened to me was true…my family told me I was just seeking attention and that nothing ever happened”

When they denied such a significant part of your personal experience, a trauma so devastating to you, they too are injuring you.

When you visited your family last, you started to self harm after four years abstinence, correct?

You listed a lot of thoughts, lots of thinking, in your post. But this one issue needs to be addressed first, according to my understanding: your future contact with your family.

If you are in regular contact, via phone and such, with the family members who denied then and still deny your traumatic experiences, then how can you possibly heal? I don’t see a way. Visiting your family is not congruent with healing. Do you agree?

I hope you resolve to renew your self harm abstinence and to no longer visit your family and that you succeed with these two resolutions. That will be an excellent start, or re-start.

anita