Anita,

My girlfriend had just the same reaction when I voiced these concerns to her.. But no, my simple solution is not to hook up and level out the scores so to speak. I cherish what I have with her and we have seen each other through a lot for me to just end the relationship so I can go hook up. Cheating is obviously out of the question because apart from it being wrong in itself, I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself seeing myself follow in my father’s footsteps. I feel stuck and distressed not because she has been with other people, but because I’ve been with nobody but her. It scares me that this feeling of worry I get now, the feeling of nagging i get in my head sometimes will grow into something larger that will eventually destroy our relationship.

About what distressed me before and why the relationship was such a rollercoaster? I had one proper relationship before this and she unfortunately cheated on me. So being cheated on, coupled with my parent’s failing marriage left me angry and paranoid. I found it hard to commit. As our relationship progressed I found myself distancing myself from her more and more. This wasn’t something that happened because we were incompatible but because I pushed her away because the idea of investing in a relationship again terrified me. I was scared and didn’t want to be cheated on again and I formed a notion that all relationships end badly. So I lashed out and pushed her away and broke up. She fought for me and we decided to give it another chance, which unfortunately ended in a similar fashion. After this we just cut each other out of our lives and decided to go separate ways (which is when she started seeing other people) and eventually fate brought us together again and I decided to grow up and really put effort into this relationship and not let the notions i had formed of relationships affect me. We’ve come a long way from how we started and I’m really proud of it. She has made me a better person and she’s helped me through a lot of issues in life especially my problems with commitment.