Thanks Anita. This gave me a lot of perspective.

One last thing. Now I’ve left. I talked with him, also wrote him down a text (as by the time we got to the last leg, our conversations always inflated into a fight so, I could only sanely say all that I wanted to before I leave, through a message) and I’ve shut my phone down. I live alone on my own and while no phone makes certain things difficult, I need to zone out from everything in order to feel human again and also resist the constant yearning to call him or answer his calls (as I know he would have been calling everyday now that I’ve left). The usual thing is I leave for 10-15 days, he calls and we get back together but this time, I’ve been too hurt to go through the grind again. I know he’ll be taken aback this time as this is the longest I’ve ever been away without any contact.

As I’ve read elsewhere too and as A4U also said that men understand distance more than words or tears, this time I’m determined to have both distance and silence for at least a longer period of time say even a few months if I have to, to help me be alone and feel better (I process thoughts better when I’m left on my own)  and also to let him see that he cannot goof up every time and get my love back with a few days of apologies. He’ll have to understand now and know that I at least want my share of love and respect and only then will I be back with him, because deep down, I really still want him, just that I want him to understand how his behavior is hurtful and having failed at making him understand, this silent distancing is my last shot. However, I’m everyday haunted by the thought of what if in the next 2-3 months of no contact, he forgets me? A part of me tells me that he won’t considering that we’ve been emotionally deeply involved for a long period of 6 years but another part of me can’t stop doubting. I do not know. Is it likely that the course I’m taking now might just fix this up between us or am I more likely to see him move on in his life? I’m just so confused, I can really do with someone else’s perspective on this.