Hi, i also am in a bit of a dificult situation and getting another opionion, or outllok on the situation will help termendously….

I have always been strait as far as i know. about  8 yrs ago i was introduced to a female, and we became good friends, i had not been in a relationship in a while…

Earlier that year i decided to take time for me and my daughter, and to clear my head. I had been in a relationship for ten years with my daughter dad and things ended pretty bad.

So i end up become friends with my now partner of 8 years, and wjen i first met her i enjoyed her company, she was broken from past relationships, we talked, long nights, many tears and we both learned a great deal… And it was a person i would consider a good friend, im not sure exactly when but i noticed she had started to be a little more then just friends, long story short i explained to her, what i wanted want i couldnt deal with, she wasnt fully in her relationship still but they would kick it whenever she came around, i told her thay would have to stop and she agreed… One day her friend ex or what ever u want to call her came to my apt looking for her, she was crying and worried. ( by this time we were already kinda dating) she left with her ex and from my understanding i got the feeling that they still had feelings there but i dodnt say anything, she was gone about a hour and returned, after that day for me things changed, i put up a wall in fear of not getting to attached or hurt this was all new to me…. She explained that she had told her that she was done with her but failed to metion why…. Anpther red flag for me!! Anyways she stopped communicating with this indiviual, and she became aware of us. Annyways to fastforward i not sure what our first breakup was for but she left for about day came back and we i guess partched things up. For me this was all wrong ro fast and yet i continue in this relationship…. A few months later i was told that she was talking to this girl again and this didnt sti well with me, so again she leaves and this time she gone for about a week, she finally comes back and had a hickey on her neck we argue but eventually, her words, me being i dont even know let her back in…. Im not going to go through everything but it happened a few more times, she explained that i would make her leave,  she didnt want to go home and stress her parents out,  that was her reason why she stay where this girls stayed. Another thing is, this ex of hers, while with her cheated on her, got prenant, and had a kid…. So anyways as far as i know the last time this happened was 2014 or before but thats not the worst park, my partner is a amazing person in everyway she just isnt the smartest in relationships, i hope this isnt me being nieve but she is awsome, just a true nice person…. And its hard for me to say this given the cirrcumstances, but to get back to the point… Shes lied a few times hidden things from me, and years later like today i cant seem to come to a place where i can honestly trust her which cauae many fights, and disagreements… I dont allow her to have a phone that is mine if she buys one she can use it but im not giving her any way to be able to make me look like a ass, like get on websites or anything( i know what ur thinking contolling) believe me o know and this is what eats me! When did i become this way, why do i feel like im not good enough or like anyone can at any moment you can fall for and make a ass agon of me, then im like why am i here if i know im not happy, because if this is love ill pay to get out. Right? The reason how me and my partner ended up together was because we (me and her gf at the time) were going to confront her and her gf beat her up so bad infront of me and i delt so mad despite the anger i took her home… I feel tjats the only reason why she never went back nor cause she called it quits but because her now ex did….. So i feel like my person suffered alot because of this….. And it causes problems too…

The only thing is that i dont know if im overacting and tripping cause i havent found her doing anything since the fight but my mind has already been damamed i realized this and ive spoke with her about this and how its unhealthy for us… Ive changed into this really bad negative untrusting person and my attitude is terrible at times. Although shes made mistakes i can judge her and continue with her ….She wont leave and doesnt want to….. She tells me she loves me and i her but it does take more then love sometimes to make it work…. I just would love some feed back and advice…. Im constantly in battle with my thoughts and everything… I cant live without trust and i did for awhile now so o feel unsafe amd insecure and i cant keep purting my self through this ive cried to her and exsplained everything and she wont and doesnt undersrand bur yet has nothing to say to me………

my lost mind