Dear looking4hope:

It  is  interesting. You wrote that following you improving your  behavior toward your boyfriend, a behavior that  was abusive toward  him, he “noticed changes” and was “He was  proud of me, but  he  withdrew from me and grew more depressed. Finally he  announced that he was resentful, upset that how all these years  I  didn’t seek help and how things could  have been different”-

Maybe he grew up in a  home where he was treated abusively. He adapted by trying to fix his abusers, to … help them not  abuse  him. He was unsuccessful in changing their behavior. With you, treating him abusively, he was in a  familiar setting and reacted the same, patiently, forgivingly trying to fix you, to help you not abuse him. He somewhat succeeded, eventually, but that was a new setting for him, one to which he is  not adapted. Therefore the delayed anger appeared.

It is right for you to  not  abuse him or anyone, of course. Some people will stay forevermore  in an abusive relationship because they have adapted to such, not a happy adaption, but adaption nonetheless.

What do you think?

anita