Dear Jenny Lynn:

I read your recent post to me and am looking forward to you letting me know about the conversation to be. I have a few thoughts, connecting my study of your thread four days ago to the present situation, hoping it will help in this very challenging part of your life.

1. You wrote about your original family, Nov I think it was: “They  really don’t care about your feelings”-

This is a crucial point: your feelings, Jenny Lynn, are important and I want you to care about your own feelings. I want you to communicate to Glen that you care about your feelings and expect that he does too. If he doesn’t care about your feelings, then it is a definite bad idea to continue a relationship with him.

You wrote Nov last year: “being a depressed person I am still a good time. I hate being a downer if I can help it… so I joke”- resist that inclination. Time to be serious, to be real. No joking.

2. Notice what you wrote Nov 20: “Being… The most important thing in someone else’s life.. like his entire world revolves around me. That’s just something I’m not used to..I’ve never been anyone’s #1 before”-it is a big draw for you, to be Glen’s number one.

Problem is the price he demands for you being his #1. If the price to pay is for your feelings to not be important, then it is not worth it, to be his number one.

Yesterday you wrote: “The only one of these traits I slightly identify with is- You have the sense that you used to be a very different person- more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed” (before the relationship with Glen).

Your depression preceded Glen but increased during the relationship with Glen. You used to go out way more. You’ve stayed most of the time at home with Glen for a long time now. Glen discouraged and always discouraged you from having friends, going out with friends, wanting you to take you away from the world (the words you used).

If increased depression is the price for you to pay so to be Glen’s number one, it is too high of a price.

Back to the conversation/s to be: a serious matter. Your life is a serious matter, your choices in regard to this relationship are a serious matter. Treat these as such. And communicate to Glen truthfully and seriously.

Give him time to respond, pay attention to his responses. If you need time to think about his responses (or lack of), to evaluate those, take a break from communicating with him and post here. At this point, when I am at the computer, I will look for a post from you first, before I answer anyone else.

And I will reply as soon as I spot a post from you.

anita