Hi.

I’ve been with this guy for 8 years. It started as FWB. We kept fighting then – violent fights, we used to hit each other. And when I said I couldn’t do it anymore, he told me he couldn’t let go, promised me it would stop, and that’s how it started.

To be honest, the hitting stopped. And we learned that we both brought out the best in each other. We changed for the better, we were great together. But the fights never stopped. First it was just screaming at each other. And later, dishes thrown at walls.

He ended it 3 days ago.

But before he did, we talked about joining a couple’s retreat. “To find out whether this relationship is right.” I thought it was the wrong reason to join. We should join to learn how to make the relationship work better, not to find someone to decide whether we should break up. He said he wanted to break it off because he couldn’t keep his promise of stopping the violence. He also mentioned that some days, he looks at me, and he’s just mad – for no reason. He said he loves me, just as much as he loved me when we started, but he didn’t want this to turn into hatred. At first he said he’d stay if I could answer his question – how do we be sure that we won’t be violent again?

I tried to tell him that this time we’d be more aware, more cautious. But it wasn’t the answer he was looking for. And he broke it off.

We still live together. I’m about to look for an apartment, but it’s gonna be tough. The thing is, whenever we’re home together, I still have so much questions for him. And he’s beginning to get annoyed.

He was asleep. I woke him up and said I think I finally had his answer. He said I’m just bargaining.

I believe we should both find guidance, find advice from experienced people. I believe that the anger could stop, we just have to learn how to do it. And that we have to start within ourselves.

I don’t know whether I should hold on and have hope. 8 years is long, and we’ve been through some serious stuff. And I don’t want to let go. He says he’s made up his mind. Should I just give up?