Dear L A B:

My advice: better you move out as soon as possible. It is the right thing to do for you and for him. While there, better you don’t start discussions with him and keep the contact minimal, away from any possible conflicts.

Eight years is a long time, and if this relationship has a chance, it would be, like you suggested, that the two of you will “learn how to make the relationship work better”- way, way better. Couple counseling of quality will help achieve this aim, with time and lots of practice. But not now. Move out first. And then, maybe.

The two of you have encouraged each other’s anger. I hope he indeed had enough and so, his choice to end the relationship reads like a good choice to me. Notice any motivation you may have to move him to anger yet again, at the present time, as in moving him to feel for you and need you again, in his anger.

And if you notice such, resist it.

anita