Dear Hannah:

I don’t think it is possible for any person to make relationship decisions without the input from the person in the relationship, be it an existing relationship or one that is considered.

It is like expecting to play a game that requires two people all by yourself.

The nature of making relationship decisions is in communication, it takes two people to make decisions affecting the two people.

If I was you, I would tell the husband (now estranged husband) that I don’t know if I want to restart the marriage, that I really don’t know if I want that or if he wants that,  and want to talk so to find out. Maybe he will tell you right there and then that he is not interested in resuming the relationship. That will bring clarity to you. Maybe he too will want to talk.

If he want to talk, I would tell him that such conversations have to be honest and as clear as possible, so that the two of you can make informed decisions, informed on what is true for the two of you individually.

* Same thing with the current boyfriend. So much confusion and not-knowing can be resolved with honest, clear communication.

anita