Dear ally:

In my last post to you I responded only to one word in your last post. I want to respond to the rest of your recent post.

You wrote: “When I was younger I kept myself constantly distracted so I didn’t have to acknowledge the dysfunction”.

You also wrote: “The part now I am having difficulty with is ACCEPTING the reality of the situation.”

Notice this: just as you kept yourself constantly distracted so you “didn’t have to acknowledge the dysfunction”, your father and siblings too (perhaps siblings to a lesser extent than your father) are keeping themselves constantly distracted so that they don’t have to acknowledge the dysfunction.

And this is part of the reality that you may not be adequately aware of: they are motivated to stay away from emotional pain by keeping themselves distracted and engaged in life otherwise. Staying away from pain is any animal’s instinct, reliable. You can’t undo their instinct to avoid pain. It is also possible that if closeness with your family materialized, you would withdraw from it yourself.

anita