DearJerry:

The sound of your poem is very pleasing, the rhyming, it flows pleasantly into the ear and is pleasant to the brain. There is intelligence, wit to it that is also pleasing, ex.: I want to leave an impression- More than just my depression.

The content is fascinating. The problem as I see it is the big gap between the inside of you (“I  have a million thoughts and a song-Swimming through my brain”) and the outside of you (nothing, really). All that is inside stays in the inside.

All that life in the inside wants out: “I just want to scream out-Everything I’m about”. And you want someone on the outside to “listen with anticipation”.

This leads me to think of a little boy using crayons and drawing circles on a paper, then showing it to a parent with pride: look what I did! look at what I created!

And if the boy is fortunate, the parent looks at it with a smile and some pleasure and says something: I like it. I like this blue here and that round line there…

The boy expressed what was inside him and someone on the outside recognized it for being something valuable, something good.

You need two things: to express what is inside you and for someone outside of you to value it.

I don’t know where to go from here. I hope you post again. I will probably have more thoughts and feelings when you do, and reply then.

anita