yes exactly. I have started to see unhealthy patterns I perform in any relationship, but since there is so much anxiety attached to him now (due to the recurring thoughts/actions) it is so extremely hard to tell if my feelings of numbness or anxiety have to do with our compatibility (which has always been good, so can’t see why that would change overnight? although we did move quite fast in the beginning) or because I simply cannot heal well from my mental health. I also cannot tell if romantic relationships are the cause of my anxiety, and I’m just destined to be single (a fear that debilitates me — I do not fear being alone, but not being able to ever get married and have kids).

I dealt with these issues for about 3 weeks, then once I found myself spending more time with friends as well, and doing very fun things with my boyfriend, i had felt back to normal for 2 weeks. Yet when we had another fight again, concerning my anxiety (him being upset that I kept pushing/pulling him), I have not been well since then. Arguments do not make me uncomfortable, and me and him are good at solving issues. Although, the feeling that my mental health is a burden on our relationship has been forcing me to believe that I should not be in one, that maybe I’m not ready to face myself by being in one, and he does not deserve to deal with my up and down moods.