Hi anita,

I just wanted to touch base with you, as I have had a lot to think about since we last spoke and I am now away from the flat and lodging at a friends, also because you where so helpful.

Now I have made the first step of being in the process of moving out of my flat, I have found I have had some perspective on it and realise I went through quite a lot with those neighbours and I feel exhausted all the time. What I am finding difficult at the moment is putting myself first and asserting my boundaries with others. I think I am feeling quiet insecure and low on confidence. For example were I volunteer they asked if I could help out, I always say yes straight away, even though I am in the process of moving out of my old flat and have a 4 year old to look after and with me feeling exhausted it meant I had to cancel my shift with them. I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment and although I explained this too them I still could tell that the manager was not happy. I really want to be my authentic self and tell people exactly what I think, what I can and cannot do at this time but I find it so hard, almost like I do not have the strength. I feel this pressure all the time to please people I suppose and I over explain myself and then hate myself after.

For example the wales trip is next week and where I am at the moment have all these suggestion on what I should do and not do and are being helpful but I find my voice is weak when objecting. The man I will house sit for, if I decide to go to wales is telling me when I should arrive, when I should leave , that they really need me and what help they need while they are away.

I want to be able to break it and down and tackle being assertive with what I object too. In my mind I know that if something doesn’t feel right , don’t do it or say no. But its almost like I don’t know how to do that and then that’s were my anxiety is, that I will not lead my own life and follow what everyone else needs/wants and that is no living at all.

Having taken a step back this past week and being in a silent place were I have not had to worry I have realised that I want to be authentic and honest with others, why am I finding this so hard. I need to make some decisions of were myself and my son are to go without the influence of others.

I hope you are well anita

regards Lynda