thank you both for your responses!

these are actually things I have been noticing as i started journalling and spoken to my therapist about. as the physical anxiety has lessened, i have definitely been feeling better with my SO. my main issue is that due to the OCD tendencies, I’m CONSTANTLY checking my feelings in every moment with him — making me feel like the relationship is more of a test run than actually enjoying quality time. i feel like i still also get these thoughts and doubts, mainly b/c are relationship is progressing (we’re at 5 months, I’ve never been with anyone past 6). although i very much enjoy his company and am lucky to have him, i feel like i’m in fight-flight mode. my fear is that the longer i’m in this relationship, the more hurt I will face when we break up (not if, since I believe lots of things in my life are doomed)

as with the stress, i honestly don’t think my excessive assignments or slight financial issues should warrant a breakup. me and him are stressed in our own lives, but i think you can still be in a healthy relationship and not let outside stress bleed in. for me at least, it’s my mental health issues/ongoing therapy that very much gets to me. since i’m learning more about my anxiety and behaviors, i think that is what makes me dissect my relationship to no end. it’s good in that i can see what is going wrong and if it’s worth fixing, but also makes everything feel less natural.

we’re either of you in therapy or taking meds while in a relationship? i think it’s worth seeing if this is a wrong fit rather than abruptly ending it. stress is part of our everyday lives, and i never handled it well — relationship or not. i love being stuck in my comfort zone 🙁