Dear caroline:

A child perceives reality correctly. There are no previous experiences to distort the perception of reality, for a young child. This is truly what reality was in your early life, you really were “not important enough” to your parents. There really was no one there for you (“there isn’t anyone”), and they really “dumped their stuff on you because they know you’re desperate for any kind of attention and so unsure of yourself that they can dump their crap on you so they can feel better”.

But not because you were not worthy of being treated as important enough, and not because there was something wrong with you.

You asked me: “do you think seeing them on a rare basis could still help me heal?”- I don’t think seeing them on any  basis will help you heal.

I think that seeing them triggers hope that can never be materialized (a redo of childhood),  and it triggers the messages they instilled in you, reinforcing the experiences of childhood. In a sense, by interacting with them your childhood keeps happening. What do you think?

anita