Hello anita, thanks you so much for the answer!

1. I remember feeling very “in love” with my very first girlfriend at 13 years old. But I’ve never felt sure about my feelings for the other person in any mature relationship. I’m wondering if maybe my low self-image has made me go for relationships where I can get validated by meeting the other persons needs, cause whenever she has talked about her problems and I’ve been able to be there for her, I’ve felt meaning in the relationship again. But other than that, I’ve never felt like myself, and it has never felt “right”, and I’ve always doubted making it long term and had a lot of bad conscience because I always feel like there’s something I’m hiding from her. I can see it in her face too, she knows I’m hiding something, she just doesn’t want to confront me about it, and so now we’re kind of living un-connected, doing our own things together, talking a little bit, but never about anything meaningful.

2. To be honest I have a hard time remembering how I felt at all in my childhood. I can remember pictures and events, but the emotional aspect is quite blank. I remember getting very angry whenever I didn’t perform well at video-games or football, and feeling quite lonely in my family, longing for real connection with my younger sister, mother and father. I just didn’t know how to ask for that connection, and it never came in the way I wanted to.