Dear Anita, You’re right I knew there was something very wrong with him telling me about feelings and plans so soon. I knew it and I told him this, but he didn’t stop and I continued dating him. That was very stupid of me. I understand it now. I understand it seems not logical to you. It’s not easy to tell everything here perfectly.

Tom is no longer in my life after last time I mentioned here meeting with him. He had a huge fight with his girlfriend, he didn’t tell her we met but she found out about me and suspected something. They almost broke up. After this we talked a lot several times, he said he was sorry and that it is damaging to me mostly, but also to him. He said that and I agreed, we never spoke again. Many conversations and arguments in between, but that’s how it ended.

I can’t say I have a great social life. I have a friend living nearby, I go to the village once a week when she lives. I have a few friends with whom I meet once a month, but it’s not parties or dancing, more like dinner or coffee. I went to the club recently but it was once in a year. Mostly I’m working, doing okay, being alone or with a friend. I feel worse when talking or arguing with my mother, so I try to limit those interactions. At nights mostly I have trouble sleeping, sometimes panic attacks but that has improved after Tom was gone, and it’s not every night, more like once a week or once in two weeks. Mostly just anxiety at nights and doing okay when busy or with someone. Most of my panic attacks are when nothing bad is going on, just overwhelmed with something during the day, then I think about my dad and my childhood and I can’t calm down. Or when something bad has happened like recently, then I can never control this panic.

I had a very little money when I posted here in September or October last year, I didn’t have any job then, only part time. I started working in language school, it’s not the biggest money and not the best job but allows me to survive. I’m buying a place from money that were put down after my father.