Dear Sheelanagig:

You did it! I am so impressed. My goodness, you did such a great job.

The sentences you wrote are so powerful. The words we use, read about and use, such as co dependent and narcissist, how pale they are compared to the simple, direct, raw words of a child.

You wrote: “I feel too scared and vulnerable… powerless”- this is how a child feels when in danger, scared and powerless.

You were in danger, at least, you perceived to be in danger. Aggression scares a child (“my mom is mean… my dad is mean…my dad is kicking stuff around…why is she slapping me”). A parent who expresses distress for long is perceived as danger for a child because it means the parent is not strong enough to take care of the child or maybe it means she will  die and leave the child alone (“my mom is crying…why is my mom crying… I’ll be alone”).

The child is powerless and needs to be saved: “I’ll run around the forest and pretend I’m a fairy- i’ll eat sticks and grass and someone-an angle maybe will come save me”

I will soon be away from the computer for about 15 hours. I want to go back to your powerful thread when I am back. If you want to post again, please do. I would very much like to read more from you. If other members reply to you I hope they are sensitive to the nature of your sharing, to the child that is still there, still you.

Please take good care of yourself.

anita